"All's Fair" - I watched so you don't have to!

​“All’s Fair” on Hulu 
I watched so you don’t have to. 
Recently a new TV series entitled “All’s Fair “launched – a legal drama that Hulu describes this way:
A team of female divorce attorneys leave a male-dominated firm to open their own powerhouse practice. Fierce, brilliant, and emotionally complicated, they navigate high-stakes breakups, scandalous secrets, and shifting allegiances—both in the courtroom and within their own ranks. In a world where money talks and love is a battleground, these women don’t just play the game—they change it.

It stars big names such as Naomi Watts, Sarah Paulson, Kim Kardashian, Glenn Close and Niecy Nash – as well as many other highly recognizable faces in “guest starring roles.”  I watched the first 4 episodes to see what all the hype was about. 
 
Phew!  Where to begin?  

While this may be highly entertaining to some (think Real Housewives Of _______ type TV), it is less about divorce practice than it is a soap opera about the messy personal lives of the characters.  And it in no way embodies a typical divorce practice.  In fact, the salacious, beautiful-people esthetic, with attorneys in button-popping, designer clothes, big jewels and fancy private jets and cars is representative of maybe the top 1% of family law practitioners who serve the top 1% of the population.  Trust me, most divorce professionals are not sitting around eating catered lunches and drinking champagne in their offices.  

But perhaps more absurd (and destructive) than the misleading outward appearance is the disservice this show does to the divorce industry as a whole.  By sensationalizing a “War of the Roses” mindset to divorce where everyone is gunning for huge payouts and revenge, it reinforces an outdated and outmoded view of the process as a battle.  This winner-take-all position is not at all the way most divorces play out these days.  Today divorce is a customized, problem-solving process guided by professionals, not a battle. 

In fact, the divorce industry has worked for years to change the narrative surrounding divorce away from the combative storylines depicted in the show.  Today’s divorce practice focuses on cooperation, accessibility, self-direction (with things like mediation and collaborative practice driving this) and cost effectiveness. In my mediation practice the focus is on divorce as a life transition to be navigated, not a battle royale.  
 
Unlike what is depicted in this TV drama, generally today’s divorce professionals:
-are not elitist
-are not mysterious
-are not wallet-draining
-are not hierarchical
-do not use big, confusing words with their clients 
-do not insult their peers
-do not condone violence or revenge 
-do not negotiate with threats
 
Instead, we operate with respect and create rapport with our colleagues, we explain topics to our clients in easy-to-understand language, we are conscious of the cost involved, we listen to our clients, and we work WITH them for their desired outcome.  
 
But the show isn’t all trash.  It gets a few things right about divorce professionals:
-it depicts the value of supportive friendships
-it shows how we work as a team and include other experts and supports when needed
-it accurately represents that we are NOT easily intimidated by the process, setbacks or others who are not behaving professionally
-it captures how deeply we care about our clients and their outcome – and that we celebrate successes with them
-it accurately depicts the wide range of emotions our clients go through during the process 
 
In today’s divorce world, are there combative professionals?  Sure.  But if you hire someone who is gunning for a battle, you’re going to get a never-settle attitude as depicted on TV.  Most modern-day divorce professionals are focused on solutions that reflect the nuances of your situation, not inflammation. In fact, about 95% of divorces settle outside the courtroom.
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The bottom line:  this show focuses on the experiences of the ultra-rich and is stylized for TV.  So while it may be a fun source of entertainment for some, please do not take it as a source of information for the realities of modern-day divorce.