No Regrets

 Modern Family Dad is going to a funeral this weekend.  So what you say.  But this funeral is for his ex-Wife’s cousin.  Who he hasn’t seen or talked to since his divorce more than 15 years ago.  If you’ll remember, Modern Family Mom and Dad had an acrimonious divorce but then a wake-up call (day-of-reckoning.html) and have worked together well ever since (parent-season.html).  But sometimes extended family is slow to come on board with the new plan.  Sometimes they never do.  This cousin and her husband and kids were very close to Modern Family during their marriage and had spent a lot of time with them and traveled extensively with them, so the divorce impacted their relationships greatly.  As often happens, family members side with their kin at divorce and this cousin sided with Modern Family Mom. As you can imagine, this was hurtful to Modern Family Dad and he missed these relationships greatly.  Fast forward to the present: the cousin dies a tragic death at a young age and Modern Family Mom is distraught and Modern Family Dad regrets all the lost years of relationship with people he once called friends and thought of as family.  Fortunately, the relationship between Modern Family Mom and Dad is such that they have been able to support each other and their children in this loss.  They’ve been able to enjoy their shared memories of time with this cousin.  And Modern Family Dad will be able to attend the cousin’s funeral alongside his ex-wife and their kids to honor her life well-lived.  
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At The Mediation Table I can’t help but wonder how those intervening years might have been different if there hadn’t been acrimony at the beginning of the divorce.  What if the message the divorcing couple had communicated to the world (and to each other) was that they are a united front and there was no need to take sides? What if neighbors and family members could maintain relationships with both members of the couple even after divorce? How would that benefit the children?  There is so much change and loss that comes naturally with divorce, wouldn’t it be nice to operate in a manner that creates as little grief as possible? I’ve seen this happen with mediation.  Here at The Mediation Table, maintaining extended family relationships is just one of the many things we can discuss.   And you may never know how valuable that is until many years in the future.